Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
