I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's get the cat blown out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
