i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
