It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
