I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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