please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
