The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
