in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
