Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
