Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
do herpes really smell.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
