i really wish james franco would like my vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
