hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
