fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He felt like a one man threesome
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
