I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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