Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In America we eat man semen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
