shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
