Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
