Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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