Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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