me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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