I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
