all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
