She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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