that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
