If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
