the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
