I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
