This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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