2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
