Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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