Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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