All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You need a sexual gate keeper
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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