Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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