i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
