i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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