3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
