I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
