guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
