so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
