I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
3pm strippers are depressing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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