so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pooping to opera.
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