You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
