I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
