Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
