youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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