My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
