omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
