we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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