just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
