i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
