The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
