It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
