If i come over, it means nothing
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
