Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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