Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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