There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
