Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
