Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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