hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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