You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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