Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
